Dammit
I just had a random urge to make a little post tonight. i do feel really over tired and i still need to shower before sliding into bed. I am indeed a bit more in my own head when i am over tired just like I’m sure many people are. I do feel like i should be keeping better track of what’s going on in my life given i always enjoyed looking back and reading what i have written about my life in the past. Laura and I are living a very straight forward focused life in order to work as much as we can so we can save as much as we can for our wedding which is in a year and six days. Coming up with the deposit takes priority and we want to be booked by the latest end of June/first week of July. The more i think about the wedding the more excited i am about everything thats going to happen. Right now we’ve gotten into a routine of work schedules that sadly conflict and leave us with little to no personal time. One reason i stay up so late these past weeks is just to have the extra time to clean the house or take a minute to unwind. The unwinding part is getting harder and harder given how stressful I’m finding shifts in the kitchen at my job to be. One thought is to maybe to start falling asleep listening to music which always was a nice way to relax (my only worry is that I’d wake up Laura) or maybe just these long nights on little sleep need to go away and a healthy sleep routine needs to take back over. Big changes are happening amongst friends these days a long the lines of couples getting engaged or moving in together (which i feel is huge step in a relationship). I get lost a little bit when i work with so many younger friends in the deli and forget that I am 26 going on 27 and in just a whole new mentality, maturity, and physical stage in life. (In a good way) the desires and interests that i held with such importance years prior are slowly going down the list to newer desires and interests. You see I have all these great friends all over from various times in my life that I’ve been very lucky to hold on to and even though I’m not sitting in my living room. They are always there for me and I am always there for them. They are trying to get what they want out of life and I’m doing the same. What they are going for might not be the same as me but the spirit is still there. I am focusing on me and i expect them to be focused on themselves. Just having all this going on in my life is a blessing. *mushy alert* I’m just unbelievably lucky to be in love with a perfect girl who also happens to be my best friend. Even as a couple, we are still ourselves. Going through all of this in my head tonight reminds me of a very fitting song lyric. Literally and ironically. Blink 182’s “Dammit” has the lyric “Well, I guess this is growing up.” I said it to myself many times over the years. Each time in a daze of youthful ignorance that’s giving off an illusion of wisdom that you can chuckle while looking back at what you thought was growing up. All said and done the sincerity of the moment (the feeling of feeling wiser and happier as you embrace time’s passing hand) was and will always be still there. What i feel right now is me growing up. It feels different this time because well, that’s because I’ve already grew up a bit. Each stage of my life is a part of me simply growing up and it feels good and it feels weird at the same time because.. it’s the natural progression of who i am becoming. And I am sure that I’ll be at a another point years down the line (married with children) feeling something new about my life and the same line will pop into my head, “Well, Kevin, I guess this is growing up.”…. and I’ll smile.
